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The Shape of Surrender
I love flowers! đđȘ»đ·đŒđ»âșïžâșïžâșïž Tulips are my husbandâs favorite. So when he buys them for me, itâs a quiet win for us bothâhim offering what he loves, me receiving what I cherish. One bouquet caught my eye as the morning light poured in. The tulips had bent so gracefully toward the window, their stems stretched and their petals opened wide. No forcing. No striving. Just responding to the light. I tried to rotate the vase to help them âstraighten up.â I thought theyâd realign if I just turned them in a different direction. But they didnât. They kept their posture, curved as if still remembering the light they were first…
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Trusting the Conductor
Have you ever found yourself comparing your life to someone elseâsânot just the big things, but the everyday stuff? Yeah. Me too. đđŸââïž Iâve watched people post anniversary pics with captions like âmarried to my best friend,â while Iâm praying just to have one week without tension in my house. Iâve seen other peopleâs kids hitting milestones, smiling in graduation photos, while mine are wrestling with real strugglesâmental health, life choices, healing. And I will not lieâsometimes it feels like their lives are moving forward while mine is trying to catch its breath. Itâs sneaky, the way comparison shows up. It doesnât always barge in with flashing lightsâit often whispers:…
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Turn the Page
Part of my morning routine is changing the blocks on my desk calendar to reflect the current date. Itâs part of a rhythm that helps ground me before the day fully begins. Itâs also the beginning of a habit stack that cues me to read a devotional from Unshakeable by Christine Caine. This book is always open and intentionally sits just behind my desk calendar. Most days, I can read the devotional from the left side of the page or the right side of the page, depending on the date. On some days, however, I have to turn the page to read the devotional. Lately, that simple motion has been…
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A Love Redeemed
Have you ever seen a relationship you thought was completely overâbeyond repairâsomehow find its way back to love? I have. Not just any relationship either, that of my parentsâ. They were from the same small hometownâeveryone knew everybody. My dad was older, but he always knew who my mom was. Their lives were connected long before either of them realized just how much. Eventually, they started dating, fell in love, and got married. They were together for about 21 years before separating and divorcing. And when I say it shook our families and community, I mean it. Whew! Everyone felt it. Their breakup wasnât just the end of a marriage;…
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GO LIVE!
I wrote this post from my car while sitting in my car, still parked outside the cardiologistâs office. Iâd just received the results of a final screening that was part of a cardiac workup and was sitting with the weight of what it all means. Back story⊠My father passed from hATTR amyloidosis and congestive heart failure. He also had high blood pressure and high cholesterol. My mother had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, renal failure, a heart attack, and triple bypass surgery. She ultimately died from a stroke that took her brain function almost immediately. My brotherâmy only siblingâdied from a heart attack at 44. And, all of this…
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A Declaration of Peace
I havenât always walked in peace. There have been times in my life when Iâve walked right on the edge â reactive, overextended, bracing for the next emotional hit. Peace was something I prayed for (kind of) but rarely experienced. It felt like this unreachable state, despite me declaring âPeace is the goalâ. Yet, over time â and especially in this season â Iâve learned something: Peace is not passive.Peace is a posture.Peace is power. Recently, I picked back up The Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer â a study I started nine years ago and never finished. This time, it hits differently! I realized that a war had been…
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The Tagline
âBecause what we inherit is just the beginningâŠâ We inherit more than eye color and body type.More than a laugh that echoes a parentâs or a recipe passed down from generation to generation. We inherit resilience.Faith.Work ethic.Creativity.Sacrifice Unfortunately, we also inherit silence.Secrets.Shame.Unspoken expectations.Wounds wrapped in survival. For Gen X-ers and those before us, we grew up in households where certain things just werenât discussed. You didnât talk back.You didnât ask too many questions.You didnât challenge what made you uncomfortable. Mental illness was âjust stress.âAddiction was âjust how your uncle is.âAbuseâif spoken of at allâwas brushed off as something you just get over. Crying was weak.Talking back was disrespect.Asking for help…
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I Miss My Mama
I woke up with tears in my eyes today. No dream. No trigger. Just grief, sitting in my chest before I could even gather my thoughts. I miss my Mama. Some days are just like that. The loss hits fresh, even after all this time. I could be fine for days, weeks even, and today Iâm struggling to keep it together. Thatâs how grief worksâit doesnât follow a schedule, and it definitely doesnât ask for permission. Itâs been two years and as Motherâs Day gets closer, the feelings will probably get louder. I think about her laugh, her hugs, her bossiness. đ€Ł She had a way of answering the most…
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What A High School Student Taught Me About Focus
Earlier this week, I was journaling Scripture. I like to write the verses out exactly as theyâre presented, and I always draw a little box around the reference. Nothing fancy, just my way of setting it apart. As I focused on getting my lines straightâmore intentional than usualâan old memory showed up. One of those soft, unexpected reminders from a season I hadnât thought about in a while. I used to teach high school math. On some days, I had to draw shapes or graphs that required decent straight lines. I had a Smart Board, so I could cheat a littleâtap a button, drag my finger, and the board would…
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The Middle Space
No one really talks about this part. The space in between. Where youâre no longer the child who gets tucked in, but not quite the elder everyone defers to. Where your parents are gone, your children are grown or growing, and you find yourself⊠holding. Holding memories.Holding responsibility.Holding emotions for everyone else, and sometimes none for yourself. Itâs a space I never saw coming, and yet here I am. The middle. Not center-stage, not retired from the work. Just standing somewhere between what was and what will be. Parenting while grieving. Grieving while navigating. Navigating while being asked to lead. Iâve buried my parents. Iâve buried my only sibling. Iâve…